Stuck in a Rut?

are you stuck in a rut

Are you a Rut Dweller? I heard this term recently and it really made me think. Am I a rut dweller? I have my routines, sure, but does that make me a rut dweller. I don’t like to think so, so I thought I’d look into it more.

Routine doesn’t make you a rut dweller. Phew.

So after some digging, it has been shown that a rut dweller is someone who is not moving forward in their life, and in order avoid feeling bad about themselves they lower their standards just a little bit more. They are also a master of distraction. They love to watch sports and reality TV because they can then live vicariously through the stars. Now I’m not suggesting that every person who sits and watches sport is a rut dweller (I mean I like to watch the odd grand final, or car race)– but it gets you thinking doesn’t it. Are you sitting down to watch TV, rather than taking the time to sit down and reflect and examine your life because you don’t want to experience that hopeless feeling?

Do you know that life could be better? But don’t do anything to change things? A rut dweller looks at people who are achieving and says, “I could have done that.” But didn’t.  They’ll also say things such as, “I should be out there, I should be doing this…I should, I would, I could.” But never really does it; they just should, should, should. (That word  ‘should’  should 😉 be removed from our vocabulary – but that’s another blog 😊 ) A rut dweller doesn’t make excuses for themselves, though, or blame others for their ‘failings’; they resign themselves to the fact (well, it’s fact to them) that this is just how things are and then go back to checking the TV guide.

And would you like to know the saddest thing about a rut dweller? The first time they hit a wall or run into some sort of obstacle, they quit! As soon as they become overwhelmed or frightened, they stop; they quit. There’s no blame though; they don’t blame other people or circumstances; they just quit. And you know what they say about quitters? I’ll remind you. Winners never quit. Quitters never win. So, in effect, a rut dweller is not a winner – but you knew that didn’t you?

Does any of this resonate with you? I mean all of us, at some stage or another, has found themselves in a rut. It’s just who you are that determines how long you stay there. For some it is a short time, others a bit longer, and for some unfortunately it is the life they have chosen.

If you do not like the life you have chosen, or the rut you are dwelling in, I have a few suggestions to help you climb your way out.

  1. Firstly, and importantly understand that a rut is not a permanent place, it’s a temporary one. It’s just a small obstacle in your overall journey of life. If you take this view of your circumstance, you’ll be much more motivated to make the effort to get yourself back on track.
  2. Learn to grow; upgrade yourself and your thinking. Go to a seminar, read a new book – try a different genre form the one you usually read, read inspiring books – autobiographies are great or try a new hobby -something simple to start with. You might just learn a new skill, and meet new people.
  3. Literally take a new route to work – or maybe on the way home (you do not want to get lost on the way to work).
  4. Try a new coffee shop, or a new restaurant.
  5. Take some time, reflect, and think of one action you could do that would improve your life. Even by just a little. (And I am not talking – win the lottery!) What is an action you can do? Write it down, and commit to doing it!
  6. Raise your standards and take small steps towards improving yourself. As John Bytheway has been credited for saying “Inch by inch anything’s a cinch. But by the yard, it’s hard.” Little by little is the way to start. You do not want to overwhelm yourself at the get go.
  7. Find the courage to get back into the game of life. Be brave and put yourself out there and see what can happen. Look, you won’t know how things will work out, but until you try and if you keep putting those universal laws to work for you, you will succeed.
  8. Gather people around you who will help you achieve your goals (or the small steps you have chosen) and steer clear of those who will hinder you. Always surround yourself with others that are moving.

We have often heard the definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting it to come out differently. I’m more inclined to say it doesn’t even need the ending of expecting it to come out differently. Just doing the same thing over and over again, and staying in a rut, that is (to me) the definition of insanity. Live your life. Get up. Climb out. Be a rut dweller no longer! Be happy to move onwards and upwards! Now if you need help with this, contact me – I can help.

Okay, I’ll finish now and leave you with a thought by a great man. “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ― Albert Einstein

Think on it!

Start kicking up your heels!

Sam
x

Dodging Potholes

 

woman running

I went for a run today. Ran 5km! For me that is an achievement. I set myself a goal and boom – made it!

But that is not what this blog is about today. I just wanted you all to be impressed that I achieved my goal 😊 I’ll revisit goal setting again another day.

Now whilst I was running, I passed a few other runners – not overtook them, we just passed each other, they were coming my way. And you know what I noticed? They all had their heads down looking at the ground in front of them. Why? To avoid potholes? To avoid a crack in the pavement – or something even worse?

When I run, I run head up with a smile on my face and looking ahead (I hope people driving by wonder what I’m up to). No head down for me.

It got me thinking: that’s what a lot of people do, when running, or walking, or just moving in the direction of life – head down and concentrating on where to put their feet. But what does this achieve? Not much, except you’ve dodged the dog poo, or the pothole.

Honestly though, if you had your head up, and looked in front of where you are going (walking or running) you’d see the world around you, as well as that pothole, or crack, or poop that was coming up in front of you, and you’d be able to plan your steps accordingly.

Are you seeing where I’m going with this?

Do you look ahead with a smile on your face and look for challenges ahead so you can plan your journey? Or do you have your head down unaware of what is going on around you, or coming up, until you are right on top of it?

If this is you, you’ve probably left it way too late to be able to deal effectively with the presented challenges. When challenges jump at you, they are often met with surprise and a knee jerk reaction. And how effective is that? It’s not.

If your head has been up the whole way, and you saw the challenge coming, you can meet that challenge head on with a game plan.

Your ability to succeed when faced with a challenge, no matter how difficult, lies in your head space – your mental attitude. It’s often easy to have a positive approach to life when things are going well but you need to adopt the same principles when faced with adversity.

Here are a few hints that I have found to have helped me when I am faced with challenges.

  1. Remember head up – face it. Face the challenge and act. Putting off a challenge will not make it go away. In fact, it will only make it bigger. And this is true of big challenges, as well as the small ones. The most important thing you can do is face what’s in front of you head on.
  2. Look at the challenge, assess the situation, your resources, and your abilities, and then act. Your action may include enlisting help from others, but it will be your challenge to solve. The sooner you take up the challenge, the quicker it stops being a problem. Don’t look for the easy way out or some wise words that will show you the way. No one ever solves your problems for you, only you can decide for yourself how you will process the situation.
  3. Let go of the potential outcome, the stress of hanging on to the outcome is what turns a molehill into a mountain. Once you shift your focus to the thing you’re doing, instead of the result, the most intimidating parts of the challenge start to disappear.
  4. Most of all, learn to be grateful for the challenges in your life, because they make you stronger. They do, honestly. There is a reason why certain challenges seem hard to you whilst others breeze right through the same situations. Challenges are opportunities to grow. By facing your challenges—even if you fail—with full presence and awareness, you will find most challenges are not challenges at all. They are messages to help you learn and grow. And that is what we are put here on this earth to do – learn and grow.

So, keep your head up. Smile. See what’s ahead and organise your way to meet those potholes head on. And just keep running. Meet them head on.

And remember if you need a hand to help you with your potholes I’m here to help. Just a click away.

Start kicking up your heels,

Sam

 

 

Healthy body. Healthy mind. Be happy

fit and happy

You need both a healthy mind and a healthy body to be happy.

The two are interconnected at every level. You cannot have a healthy body long term without a healthy mind. A happy mind.

It’s no secret to anyone that when you’re healthy, you’re happy. We all know that what we eat has a big impact on our physical wellbeing (you are what you eat? Anyone?).  The benefits of good health – eating well, exercising, using natural probiotic supplements – are many. I mean, think about it: looking better, being stronger, being fitter, dealing with fewer health issues and just feeling good overall, would make anyone happier with life.

Healthy body means healthy mind. Healthy mind means happiness. So, think about your diet – scratch that word – think about what you put in your mouth every day to ‘nourish’ yourself. Are there foods you eat too much of? Are there drinks you drink too much of? Sure, they might make you happy temporarily, but are they really making you happy? Think about it. Deep down are you happy with your eating choices – or really, do you often chide yourself – “I shouldn’t have eaten that”, “I shouldn’t have had that third drink”?

Since I mentioned drink- think about what you imbibe. A lot of people use caffeine or alcohol to alter their mood, however these effects are temporary, and if you continue to keep up that feeling, you often feel much worse than when you started. (Now if you don’t – then perhaps it’s time to seek professional help – way outside of my expertise). I’m not saying become a tea totaller, but I am asking you to question your drinking habits. Are they just that – habits? You wake up – you have a coffee. Morning tea time – another coffee. Lunch time – another coffee. Afternoon tea… oh you get the gist. Same with alcohol – you get home, have a glass of wine (or a beer, or a scotch) to calm down after a hectic day. Have another whilst dinner is cooking. Have another with dinner. Have an after-dinner drink. Sound familiar? Habitual. Do you really need it? Try a day without it and see how you go. If you can’t, then you have created bad habits and need to start changing them (that’s another blog).

Look I know it’s easy to forgo healthy foods because there are so many fast, convenient foods on offer, but honestly there are so many opportunities that are so much better for you. Just look for them. Do your research and see what’s right for you. Is there someone you know, admire or look up to, that can help you? Seek them out. Most people are more than happy to share their knowledge and help. If you don’t know them personally do they have a website, a book, a podcast? Don’t find excuses – I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I don’t know what to do. Your health and happiness are what keep you alive. How long do you want to be alive? Are there loved ones you want to be around for? To see them grow up. No family? What about fur babies? What about travel? What about helping your community. Think outside of yourself.

Like I said at the beginning, you can’t have a healthy body long term without a healthy mind. If you don’t believe at the deepest level that you are a healthy person, you will sabotage yourself every time. If you are a person who loses weight only to gain it back, your beliefs do not match your visions. You believe something other than what you are trying to accomplish and your mind brings your body back to the unhealthy state again and again. I can help you with that – I’m a coach that’s what I do.

You need a healthy mind and a healthy body to be happy in life. Truthfully, you can have thousands of dollars in your wallet, but if you’re overweight, underweight, consistently fatigued or lacking energy, and finding life a drudge to get around, are you really happy? And honestly, successful people value themselves highly and invest in their own wellbeing. They have a vision of themselves happy, healthy, successful. They enjoy life and do not want illness or injury to stop them. You want to be successful, and happy, you need to be healthy too.

I am healthy, and happy. Here are ten quick tips, small steps to start improving your health:

  1. Add 2 more glasses of water to your fluid intake every day
  2. Take the stairs instead of the elevator (unless it’s a 40 storey building of course – don’t want to give you a heart attack instead of a little fitness)
  3. Go for a walk, and make it brisk, not a dawdle
  4. Eat a lighter morning meal filled with a balance of protein, fat and carbs to make sure you have energy to get you through til lunch
  5. Swap white bread, pasta, rice for wholegrain versions, (try grating zucchini into your pasta sauce – yummo)
  6. Swap sweet potato chips for potato chips – homemade and baked not fried
  7. Avoid sugary drinks and snacks – the sugar hit doesn’t last long, and doesn’t do your hips (or teeth) any good, substitute with mineral water and fruit, try snacks of almonds, cashews, berries (oh and low fat snacks are not always better – check the sugar content!)
  8. Do not skip meals – if you’re hungry you’ll pick at anything
  9. Go to bed earlier – establish a good sleep pattern
  10. Stretch daily – you don’t have to be a gym junkie, or a marathon runner – everyone’s muscles need stretching

So many people think being healthy is a difficult, arduous task, involving PTs, hours at the gym, and months of dieting. But it’s just not. By controlling your daily activities, anyone can become healthy and remain healthy – at any age. (I’ve just given you 10 small steps to start). It’s not so hard – just start. I found what works for me, you can find what works for you.

Get your health mind in line with your health goals. Stop bouncing. Stop sabotaging. Match your beliefs with your visons. Be happy.

Need help? I’m just a click away.

Start kicking up your heels,

Sam
x

Hug me Right – oops… Left

group hug

Okay so last week we were talking about good vibrations right? Are you on your way to raising yours? Need some more help?

Hugs.

That’s right hugs. When was the last time you had a really good hug?

Today? Great!

Yesterday? Okay.

Can’t remember? Why?

Are you getting enough hugs in your life? Hugs are quite profound and nurturing. Something magical happens when two people hug, regardless of whether they have newly met or are old friends.  It’s true, and it is scientifically proven too. (I love that science backs up my woo woo stuff)

Now, did you know that our bodies have over 2 square meters (or 22 square feet) of skin on the body? That’s enough to fill in a doorway!! Wow. And skin loves to feel skin.

And did you know that there is a biomagnetic field around your body? It’s true. It’s a fact; around everyone’s body is its own magnetic field. Okay, so these fields are extremely weak and can only be detected using some super sensitive equipment that blocks out all external magnetic fields, including the Earth’s magnetic fields, but it is there. And when two bodies merge through a hug, the energy is lifted up. That’s when we then become more energised, more awake, more alive, and we feel safer. That’s why we love hugs.

But. And there is always a but.

There are ways to hug, and ways not to hug. Well you can still hug that way, but it’s really of no nurturing benefit. Let me give you some tips.

The best hug, the good and nurturing hug, is one which has been mutually agreed upon and where both parties have full contact from neck to waist. Full contact, but relaxed and gentle, loving even. And it may feel a little odd (because it is normally the opposite side) , but hug left ear to left ear – our hearts overlap, and our energy is great.

The Side Hug or let’s pose for the camera type hug is a familiar, friendly gesture, and is often used in a group setting. Hugging this way shows a single front, heads inclined towards each other, and if it’s reciprocal shows great rapport between the participants. Not very nurturing, but still is uplifting because you’re all friends together. Group hugs can do the same – just make sure there is no-one being squeezed tightly in the middle.

From behind hug is where one person will approach and hug their partner from behind encircling them. It shows deep connection and caring – which can be especially comforting if your partner is feeling a little down. It can also be a protective and territorial signal, one partner tries subconsciously to protect so the other partner feels safe and guarded.

There are a few hugs that really don’t do much at all.

The A frame hug – when two people lean together like an A-Frame. Their necks are all about that touch. Not very nurturing – may as well just shake hands.

The quick half a chest hug – my should touches yours. Whoop de doo. I notice a lot of young men do this along with a slap on the back – macho, bro hug, I’m not really into this whole hug thing type ok? Funny to watch.

The hug accompanied with patting. OMG. You are not burping a baby – so don’t expect that your huggee (if that’s a word) is going to feel great, all they may do is burp in your ear (hehe, that’s what I do to my kids if they try that one on me).

The lift and twirl hug. Oh I hate this one. I am not a very tall person, some would call me petite (I just call myself short), but what I hate most of all (and I do not like to use the word hate often), but I HATE it when someone – usually a tall man, thinks it’s great to hug me, pick me up and twirl me around like I’m a rag doll. That is just a sign of dominance – look I’m bigger and stronger than you. So if you’re tall don’t do it. Just bend your knees and hug nicely. Now it’s a different case if you run at someone in excitement, jump into their arms and fling yourself around – that is an excitement hug. And so long as its reciprocal (and you haven’t knocked the other person over) it’s a wonderful, happy hug.

The chiropractic hug is great if you’re looking for some free chiropractic adjustment, but a big squeeze is not very warm and nurturing. It can knock the wind out of your sails, and leave you feeling deflated.

And the worst one I’ve ever had to put up with is the bump and grind hug. It’s okay if it’s my partner, and we’re fooling around – but when someone comes in really tight and close and grinds their hips into me, that right there is sexual assault!

Okay so that’s just a few types of hugs. I’m sure there are many more, but you get my gist.

The caring nurturing hugs are the ones we want. The ones we need. Hugging is great for your health, easy to do, and free. Hugs have low energy consumption, but high energy yield. They are non-fattening, organic, sugar free – and naturally sweet, and 100% wholesome.

The sad fact, unfortunately, is that some people have skin hunger – they haven’t been touched for a such a long time, that they are hungry for hugging. So to help raise your vibration and the vibration of others, find someone that needs a hug and hug them. Anywhere. Anytime (just make sure it is consensual) and spread the joy. Spread the happiness.

Would you like more tips on  Achieving Happiness? Click here and pick up a copy of my free eBook.

Sam
x

Good vibrations

vibration

 

Are you vibrationally aligned? Do you need to raise your vibration?

What does that mean anyway?

How many times have you read or heard somewhere that you need to raise your vibration to ensure you are feeling good and good things come your way?

If you are interested in self-development I am sure you’ve heard it, but are you aware of what it means? What you need to do to raise your vibration and garner the benefits?

I hope I can clarify it for you. Make it easier for you to understand so you are aware and know what to do.

Have you heard of Law of Attraction? There I go again, question, questions, questions. I make no apologies, that is what I do. Question your understanding. Anyway, Law of Attraction ultimately means like attracts like. Simply put, a positive attitude attracts positive experiences and circumstances while a negative attitude attracts things that we deem negative or unwanted.

And for those of you that are wary of woo woo, let me be more scientific E=MC² – Einstein’s theory ie. Energy = Matter x Speed of Light squared. This means Energy is equal to its mass multiplied by the speed of light squared. Wha???

Simply put, this equation tells us that energy and mass are effectively the same thing – mass is equivalent to energy. They are the same physical entity and can be changed into each other. Extraordinary.

Now, Quantum physics tells us that the atom is the smallest constituent unit of ordinary matter, and they are made up of three particles: protons, neutrons, and electrons, which break down into even smaller units called quarks. Quarks – not quacks. Anyway, these tiny things are not made of smaller particles, but in the purest most basic forms are energy.

Still in physics, energy is a property of objects which can be transferred to other objects or converted to different forms. Energy is in everything. Everything is made up of energy. You and I are made up of energy. So energy exists in things and cannot be created or destroyed, but it can be changed from one form to another. It always has been and always will be. Deep, huh? (Have I lost you yet?Stay with me it will become clear)

Energy constantly vibrates at different speeds causing different frequencies. Energy waves are attracted to other energy waves of the same frequency.

Now this is where I start to tell you that thoughts are vibrations of energy. This is not mumbo jumbo, but a reality that quantum physics has revealed. Our thoughts are vibrations of energy. And as I said energy waves attract other energy waves of the same frequency to make even more of the same energy wave.

Like attracts like. Get it?

Positive thoughts attract more positive thoughts. Positive thoughts – positive energy.

Negative thoughts attract more negative thoughts. Negative thoughts – negative energy.

Okay, so you see now?

So if you’re putting negative energy out into the Universe, that’s what you attract more of.

Time to tell a little story to illustrate the point. My son (who lives at home – but that’s another story) visits his mates in the city often. And he always comes home sick. We were talking about this the other day, and he said it’s all your fault Mum. And you know what? It is. The rest of the family tell him to stock up on vitamins because he’s going to his mates’ place and he’ll come back sick. “You always come back sick”, we say every time. And he always does.  So, this last time we all focused on him returning home fit and healthy. Not one negative word was said. We wished him a great time, and told him to return fit and healthy. And he did. He still went to the same hang outs, ate and drank the same (which would make any normal human being sick to begin with!), slept in the same bed as he always does (or so he told me). And he came back well. And did not get sick later in the week. A miracle! No not really. We just readjusted our focus. Good vibrations.

I’ve discussed mindset before, and I’ll say it again, it’s your mindset that puts you where you are. You want a happier, more joyful life? Then you’ve got to put out happier more joyful thoughts and energy. When your positive energy rises, so does the vibration of every cell in your body. Once you raise your vibration it is easier to feel the less positive emotions and then let them flow through you instead of getting stuck like they have a tendency to do. When we are in a higher vibration crappy things still happen, but we don’t let them get to us -tooo much. It’s easier to deal with.

How to raise your vibration? I’ve gone through this in some detail in Start Kicking Up Your Heels or… Achieving Happiness (don’t have a copy – click here) but in a nutshell (because this is only a blog):

Remove yourself from negativity (as much as you can)

Find things to be grateful for

Look after yourself – eat well, exercise (or move at least), meditate

Love yourself

Raising your vibration isn’t just about being in a good mood, it’s about changing your energy frequency to match that of the universe. When we begin to match with the universe that’s when the magic happens! Like attracts like! Reap the rewards. Try it. You’ll be grateful you did. And remember if you need a hand, I am here to help. It’s what I do.

Start kicking up your heels,

Sam

 

 

Has your phone stopped ringing?

no-more-ringing

Has your phone stopped ringing? Do you no longer receive calls from your friends asking you out?

“Ring, ring why don’t you give me a call” Abba’s song reverberates in my head.

Do you stop to think why the calls have ceased?

Okay more questions.

How often do you keep your word?

How often do you do what you say you are going to do?

How often do you keep your agreements?

Always? Often? Normally most of the time? Sometimes? Have you really ever thought about it before?

I recently told a friend that I was going to post a vlog on my Facebook page   http://bit.ly/218WWUc  by this week. I put it in writing, as is the case when you are on Facebook, so I knew there was no going back on my word. If I didn’t keep my agreement, what sort of person would that make me? It may not seem like a big deal, but it is.

Are you aware that when you break your word, when you don’t keep your agreements, you are doing damage to yourself – both internally and externally. Well that’s a bit dramatic, I can hear some of you say – and that’s only because we seem to give and break our word so casually.

But think about it. You don’t follow through on what you said you’re going to do, you could lose the trust, respect and credibility others have of you – whether it is your partner, your family, your friends, your colleagues or your customers. You don’t keep your agreements with others, and eventually they’ll just stop asking you because they know they can’t rely on you. You don’t turn up. You’re late. You’re too busy. You’ve run out of time. The phone stops ringing. That could be to go out and play, to meet up for coffee or a meal, to help clean out the garage, or to get a quote for a new service you are offering. How does that make you feel? Not so great, huh?

It also effects your own self-worth, self-esteem, and self-respect because ultimately each agreement you make is also made with yourself to do something. When you don’t do what you say you will, you create confusion and self-doubt deep inside, you undermine your own sense of personal power.

Okay, there may be some of you out there saying na-ah not me, I always follow through. I always turn up. I’m never late. I always make the time. And if that’s you, then well done. Thumbs up, good on you, you should be well pleased. I am. I am very happy for you.

But let me ask this. What about your agreements to yourself? Think about it. How often have you told yourself- “It’s okay, I’ll go to the gym later”, “It’s okay, I’ll eat healthy tomorrow”, “This really will be my last glass of wine” ?? You’ve made agreements with yourself, but you’ve pushed your goals to the backburner. You keep agreements with others but not yourself. And that’s not fair. You are not valuing your own word, your own commitment.

Here’s the thing: The more you value you, through honouring agreements to yourself, the more value you are to everyone. You believe in yourself, and so will everyone else. You trust yourself, and so will everyone else. And you know what happens then don’t you? You will be happy and joyful -which is all any of us really want to be.

So let’s look at this then:

Be serious in keeping your word with others AND yourself.

Only make agreements you intend to keep – you may have to learn to say NO more often (don’t just say yes to get someone off your back).

Write your agreements down in a diary or a planner so you don’t forget. Did you know that the memory can lose a detail in as little as 37 seconds? 37 seconds!!! So write it down.

Clarify and affirm agreements you have with others and in those instances where something has truly arisen that means you are going to have a broken agreement, contact the other person involved and let them know as soon as you can. Acknowledge you have broken the commitment and renegotiate or recommit. *

It really is not that scary.

I encourage each of you to think about making and keeping agreements as a positive choice that enhances your vitality, energy and relationships which in turn will contribute to the joy and happiness you have in your life. I mean, after all that’s what we all want isn’t it?

So keep your agreements, and kick up your heels. Your phone will keep ringing! Play dates will be made. Coffee will be had. The garage will be clean. And all those quotes you do will be accepted.

If you need help sticking to your agreements, I can help you. Contact me and see if we can work it out. I’m only a click of the button away.

Start kicking up your heels,

Sam

*Oh as a side note – a very important side note, I had to acknowledge my broken agreement, renegotiate and recommit with my friend. The vlog did not get published. Not for the lack of trying. I recorded it, but it was not ready to be published in time. My commitment was there, but unfortunately technology was not on my side. It will be up soon 🙂

Seven League Boots. No more small steps…

SevenLeagueBoots

I read somewhere, recently, that often we fail in our endeavours because we (including myself) follow the oft touted maxim : ‘take one small step to start your journey’!

I had to do a double take. It was against all I believed – up till now.

What this article was telling me was, because we start small we often stay small, we don’t invest enough into ourselves, and jump in wholeheartedly. Small steps make it easy to procrastinate, stop, or even backtrack.

I have to say I was a bit taken aback at first. I mean slow and steady wins the race – right? But it did make me think, and so of course I have a few analogies to share.

To ride your bike, you can’t do a small peddle, half a peddle. If you go too slow, the bike will topple and you’ll fall off. Journey over. Sure once you’ve got going, got momentum, you can take your feet off the pedals and coast. But you have to start. Hard.

If you jump into a pool and only use your arms, you’ll get to the other side – slowly. Might even sink. Use your legs to help and voila, you’re there in a flash.

To start a car, you turn the key and boom, the whole engine kicks over. Imagine if some of that engine went “hang on, just me is going to start – then you over there, you can start…” (Okay, I know engines don’t talk, well maybe except Benny from Who Framed Roger Rabbi,t or all the vehicles in Pixar’s Cars or…, well you get my drift). Anyway, hopefully you’ll understand the picture I’m trying to paint – the whole engine starts up at once.

So don’t procrastinate – just jump in and start. When you put your whole heart, and head, into getting something done or achieved, often, you have so much more success.

Hang on, I hear you say. If I jump in and start full bore, there’s every likelihood I’m going to trip up, and maybe even fall over. I haven’t done my research, plan, etc. – whatever it is you usually do to procrastinate actually starting.

You are afraid of failing – so you don’t start.

Get support!! Both in person or people, and your surroundings.

Find a support group whether it is a cycling group to ride with you, a swimming coach to help you fix your stroke, or a mechanic to make sure the engine works – and stops talking. (See what I did there? Continuity with my analogies!) Get support, find a coach to help you with your goal.

Make sure your surroundings are supportive. Make sure there is room for you to get on your bike, and pathways to ride on. Make sure the pool is heated if that’s what you need to swim. Make sure the car is housed safe and sound, full of petrol and serviced regularly.

And most of all- love yourself. If you miss a day – riding, swimming, driving- don’t beat yourself up. Tell yourself it’s okay. It won’t happen again (well it might, but don’t let it happen again soon, or regularly). And move on. Catch up if you need to, but move on. Love yourself, move on, get on that bike again, into that pool again, kick over that engine.

So. Have you understood all my analogies and what I’m trying to get you to think about?

When you set yourself a goal/task/event (whatever you want to call it) – don’t pussy foot. JUMP IN. Boots and all. Give it your all. Pull on those Seven League Boots* and get going where you want to – fast!

To make sure you don’t fail, to make it an easier ride, get support and surround yourself with encouragement, both mentally and physically. Surround yourself with inspiring people/person and supportive environments.

Love yourself. You will trip. But don’t be hard on yourself. Let it go. Move on. Keep going.

Need a coach to help you with your support? Contact me. See how I can help you achieve your goals. That’s why I’m here.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels and Stride!!

Sam

Would you like a copy of my eBook? It’s free. No strings attached. Click here and enjoy! 

 

*Just in case you’ve forgotten your fairy tales the Seven League boots allows the person wearing them to take strides of seven leagues per step, resulting in great speed. The boots are often presented by a magical character to the protagonist to aid in the completion of a significant task.

Kick that Self-Doubt to the curb!

Kick it to the curb

 

With an election imminent, we are continually bombarded with the antics of politicians. And it got me thinking… maybe we could be more like them, take a leaf out of the politicians’ handbook.

What?!!? I hear you yell and scream. Bloody politicians, can’t trust them, can’t believe them, always tooting their own horn. Why on earth would I want to be like them?

Frankly they don’t give a toss what you think about them. Well they do, because they want you to vote for them, but honestly they all think they’re great. They sprout their policies and beliefs to all and sundry. Those that like them stay, those that don’t – ignore them. And really they don’t care. They move on to the next town for their campaign and know they will pick up more sympathisers – oops voters – elsewhere. They have no self-doubt; they don’t have time for it.

And this why my thoughts led me to politicians – they have to be the one group of people with a severe lack of self-doubt (or at least that’s what they show). And that is the page of the handbook that could be very handy.

Self-doubt (from hereon in written as SD) can be very debilitating. It hits all of us at some point in our lives – some more than others. SD is a hindrance that has been put upon us by well-meaning parents- “Oh you don’t want to be a Policeman, that is a dangerous occupation, why don’t you try banking?”, not so well-meaning teachers “Oh you want to be a doctor do you? Your grades will never be good enough”, and others’ ‘well-meaning advice’ that we have listened to throughout our lives.

You are not on your own. People from all walks of life have SDs. From well-known actors and artists who fear they will be tapped on the shoulder and told “you shouldn’t be here”, to business owners and entrepreneurs who have a fear of failure (as well as success) and feel like imposters because they’re struggling with the one million other things they’re not doing at that moment. The parents who fear they’re not good enough when it comes to raising the children, the kids next door who despair “I can’t run/swim/ride a bike…” “I’m too fat/skinny/tall/short…”“I’m not popular enough…”

The doctors, the teachers, the bus driver…

The list goes on.

It is not discriminatory; SD wracks us all at some point. And why does SD always seem to pop up when we want to try something new? “I want to ice skate but I’m too old and what will my kids think?” “I want to visit a nude beach but I’m not skinny enough and people will laugh at me?” “I don’t want kids, that makes me a mean person, oh and what will Grandma think?” It goes on and on.

SD stops you in your tracks from reaching your beautiful potential and living the life you truly deserve.

But it is how you react to that screaming little voice in our head that determines how much SD will affect you. SD is often the underlying cause of procrastination or intense pessimism – “Oh I’m not good enough so I won’t try new things”. However, put to good use, SD can become a motivator. You can use that mean little voice in your head to fuel your motivation to improve yourself. Fight that voice. Become indignant. “Oh you think I can’t do that do you? Well watch me!!”

I have no quick cure to overcome SD, it usually has a tight hold. However, I do have a few things you can try to lessen its grip on you.

Focus on the positive. Find something, anything, that you can look at and think – I did that, I really am good at some stuff. Have you taken a really nice photo and thought wow that looks nice? Have you written a nice email and cheered someone up recently? Did you put those shelves up yourself? Did everyone love dinner that you cooked last night? Did you walk around the block without puffing? Focus on what you have achieved so you can focus on what you really want to achieve – if you let yourself. Counteract those negative thoughts with positive energy. Positive energy goes a long way to kick self-doubt.

Look after yourself, nurture yourself. You need to take care of your own needs – eat well, drink well (water, herbal teas, – I’m not talking alcohol here), look after your body and mind. Be grateful for what you have. I have a journal- in the morning I write 10 things that I love, and at night before I go to bed I write 10 things that I am happy and grateful for. It makes me feel good to start and end the day. Meditate to relax and stay in the present. If you look after yourself, you start to feel good about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, you will want more to feel good about and then you’ll start saying no to self-doubt.

Find support – whether it is from your soul sisters, your partner, friends, family, or a coach. Support and reassurance from others goes a long way to helping fight SD. Sure sometimes they may point out your flaws (with love of course), but usually they rally to support you when needed. If you don’t have this around you, then find it. If all your friends do is find flaws and negativity, gently reduce the time you spend with them, distance yourself. Support and reassurance is the antidote to self-doubt.

Take one small step. I’ve said it, and quoted it over and over again, but all it takes is one small step. One small step is all you need to start your journey on growth. People with a growth mindset see challenges and failures as opportunities to grow; they do not dwell on what might have been. As you grow you will kick that self-doubt to the curb and start climbing mountains.

Now SD will never disappear entirely. It will rear its ugly, mean little head every now and then, but it comes down to how you react to it. How loud you let it scream. You need to turn that “You can’t do that!” to “You can’t do that?” to “Can you do that?” to “You can do that!”

As Sir Edmund Hilary once said “It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves”.

So start conquering. I hope I have given you food for thought. And if you need some help, remember I am here. Contact me so I can help you kick that self-doubt to the curb.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

PS Don’t forget to vote – remember, make it count 🙂

Should you? Really?

Shouldyou really

How often do you have conversations in your head that start with “I really should do xyz” but deep down, in your core you really don’t want to?

I’ll bet there were a lot of heads nodding, uh-huh’s going on, and hands in the air. Unfortunately, it is a normal part of a lot of people’s lives.

Although there are times when these statements are helpful e.g. “I should not get drunk and drive home”, more often they can create unrealistic expectations. “I should” or “I must” can put unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and on others too.

Now, as I said there are times ‘I should’ can be helpful – I mean we all know what we really ‘should’ do in terms of legalities etc., and even then, if you are willing to accept the consequences of what you should or shouldn’t do, then do- or don’t.  But otherwise, in your day to day life, why ‘should’ you?

What is it that makes us ‘should’?

Most times, ‘should’ starts with our need to please others –

“I should go to Law School, Medical School, Whatever School because my mother/father did, their mother/father did and it is what everyone expects me to do.”

“I should like her/him because my parents like her/him and they think she/he will be great for me.”

“I shouldn’t wear that because they will think…”

STOP! STOP!

Can you see the underlying pattern here?

It’s not I ‘should’ do this, that, or the other because I will feel good, it’s I ‘should’ do this, that, or the other because of other peoples’ expectations. It will make them feel better, not you!

What happened to your expectation of your own happiness? Has it become an automatic habit to disregard your own happiness?

Maybe you grew up in a family where your mother did things for other people because she felt she ‘should’, that’s her lot in life (and a LOT of mothers feel like this – sadly). And you have it now ingrained in your psyche that this is your lot in life. You became a people pleaser because that’s what you were shown to do. You should do things to make other people happy, often sacrificing your own happiness in the meantime.

When we people please, when we do what we ‘should’, we are saying YES to others, NA-AH to ourselves. In that moment we are not being true to ourselves.

Now, in no way am I saying don’t do things for others, what I am saying is do things for others if you truly want to, if you’re loving what you’re doing and there’s no little voice going “Oh come on, you really ‘should’ do that because… just ignore how you’re really feeling.” Do things for others because it feels right – right down to your core.

And whilst we are on the subject of should, how often do you place expectations on your friends and loved ones?

“If they really loved me they should do this…”

“If she really liked me she should treat me like…”

“He’s my brother so he should…”

Again, STOP with the should-ing. Let go of your expectations, let people behave in a way they want to behave, and allow them to express their own feeling, wants, needs and ways of being. Wouldn’t you rather someone did something for you because they loved doing it for you – not because they should?

‘Should’ places expectations on yourself and others and can set you up for pain and disappointment, or at the very least a tightness in your belly. So remember keep yourself away from feeling rotten and do things out of love and happiness. Not because you should!

It starts one little step at a time. The next time someone asks you for something you don’t want to give, gently and with love, say “No, I’d rather not at this time.” The first few times you will feel icky – because, hey, that’s how you have ingrained it into your soul – “I must, I must”, but over time and with practice, like anything, it will become easier. Say no to the ‘I shoulds’ and a resounding YES to the ‘I wants’. Treat yourself how you expect others to treat you. Put your happiness in the forefront of the picture.

If this is something you have difficulty with, then contact me. Let’s have a chat and see if I can help you get over your should. And not because you should – but because you want to.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

Are you stuck in a rut?

stuck in a rut

How often do you wake up in the morning, jump out of bed and think “Hooray, another day!!” and it’s not the weekend??

Most days? Well that’s fabulous – and you can probably stop reading now, this stuff might bore you.

The rest of you? Rarely? Never?

You wake up, hit the alarm clock – it’s not really the clock’s fault you know, it was manufactured to make that noise every morning. Get out of bed and think “Same old, same old”?

Not a great way to start the day, hey?

But you know you have to get up, you know you have to go to work – some of you hate it, some of you tolerate it – but hey that’s a whole other blog. Anyway it’s Groundhog day. I’m talking the movie with Bill Murray in 1993 – the weatherman doomed to spend the rest of eternity in the same place, seeing the same people, doing the same thing over and over and over again.

Sound familiar? Get up, get ready for work, go to work, spend 8-10 hours a day at work, come home, prepare the dinner (or sit in front of the television whilst it’s being prepared for you), eat dinner, watch television, go to bed. Get up, get ready for work… Ringing any bells?

Sure, we need order and discipline at times in our lives, some call it routine. I call it stuck in a rut. And the longer you stay there, the deeper the rut, the harder it is to climb out of the ravine you are digging. Harder to jump off the wheel. You’ll start to feel trapped, joyless, bored.

Well it’s time to shake it up!!

Not all day, every day, but little by little, one step at a time.

It’s time to have fun, otherwise the stress of your rut will do infinite harm.

Now I’m not saying quite your job, sell your home, kick the kids out, what I’m saying is – Start Small.

Something ridiculously easy to do (but we often do not) is leave the office at lunch. How many of you sit at your desk, eat your lunch and continue to work through? Okay, a few of you may take a few minutes to scroll through social media while you’re scoffing your sandwich, but how many of you actually get up out of your seat and go outside? Take your sandwich, take your phone (if you must) and go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Raining? Find a dry spot and call a friend, catch up with someone you haven’t seen in a while. See how you feel when it’s time to go back to the office. REFRESHED!

Drive to and fro work every day? Take a different route on the way home (not on the way – I don’t want you to stress about being late). You’ve got a GPS, ask for an alternate route. You might discover places you’ve never seen before. (That’s how I found a fabulous little coffee shop tucked away in a corner off the beaten track one day).

When you get home from work, get changed. Get out of your work clothes. Hey you might have some lovely clothes on, but the work day is over. Put on some comfy clothes – or get dolled up – whatever makes you feel good, just get out of 9-5 mode.

Keep the television turned off. Home alone? Put on some of your favourite music, and dance around the house. Family home? Strike up a conversation – just don’t plonk yourself down

automatically in front of the television – that thing draws the life out of you (and it’s probably the news – bad news, anyway).

Set the dinner table with napkins and a candle, make it special, and have dinner with your partner/and or family as often as their sporting/social life will let you. A nice setting breaks up the monotony of eating from a tray on your lap in front of the television (and research will tell you that it is infinitely better for your health). It can even be a reheated frozen meal – but eaten off a plate, sitting at a table, makes it all the more special. And some great conversations and planning can go on around the dinner table.

After dinner rather than scatter to other ends of the house, each person on their phone, tablet, or PC – stay and play. UNO anyone? Monopoly? Something that will make you laugh (and at times scowl) at each other for just a little while. The dishes will wait. They’ll still be there in an hour. When was the last time you played a game?

If there is just the two of you – here’s a suggestion – PLAY together. I was reading recently about a couple who felt their lives had stagnated – they’d forgotten how to have fun. Every night after work they’d come home and same old, same old (how common is that?). They decided enough is enough. They made a commitment to each other to liven things up. So every Thursday they put up a sign in their lounge room – NO ADULTS ALLOWED! KIDS 5 – 7 YEARS ONLY! And for one full hour every Thursday night they played like they were kids. 5-7 years old.

Sounds childish? It is.

Sounds fun? It is.

Hide and Go Seek. Hopscotch. Cops and Robbers. Tip. On cooler nights they painted and drew, they played dress ups.

Sure it was awkward at first (because honestly it can take a while to remember how to behave like a kid – we are so conditioned to grow up and act your age), but after the first couple of sessions they learnt to relax and go with the flow. And have so much fun.

Once in a while, do something bigger – more out of routine. Sundays normally spent having breakfast, doing the lawns, changing the sheets, lazing around all arvo (or worse still doing housework)? How about shaking it up. Take your breakfast to a park, eat outside. Go for a hike. Visit an art gallery or museum. Go somewhere, do something you don’t normally do. It doesn’t have to involve money – there are lots of free activities, check out your local area’s website, there’s bound to be stuff to do. And when you go in to work on Monday, you’ll have something to talk about rather than answer the question “How was your weekend?” with a “Same old, same old”.

We get into a rut, we become complacent, we don’t question things, we don’t think of living a different way.

Don’t wait for a near death experience to shake you out of your rut. Take responsibility to make change, and take action. Do something, anything, to create momentum and get out of your rut. Get off that hamster wheel. Start with one small thing at a time.

There’s a multitude of areas in your life that can be classed as ‘rut’ worthy, but to keep it brief and at least get you started on thinking, I’ve only glossed over some things here with you today. If you feel you are in a deep ravine, and you need some help getting out, contact me. Let me help you discover what it is you want to be, do and have. Let me help you start kicking up your heels and having a fabulous life.