How often do you wake up in the morning, jump out of bed and think “Hooray, another day!!” and it’s not the weekend??

Most days? Well that’s fabulous – and you can probably stop reading now, this stuff might bore you.

The rest of you? Rarely? Never?

You wake up, hit the alarm clock – it’s not really the clock’s fault you know, it was manufactured to make that noise every morning. Get out of bed and think “Same old, same old”?

Not a great way to start the day, hey?

But you know you have to get up, you know you have to go to work – some of you hate it, some of you tolerate it – but hey that’s a whole other blog. Anyway it’s Groundhog day. I’m talking the movie with Bill Murray in 1993 – the weatherman doomed to spend the rest of eternity in the same place, seeing the same people, doing the same thing over and over and over again.

Sound familiar? Get up, get ready for work, go to work, spend 8-10 hours a day at work, come home, prepare the dinner (or sit in front of the television whilst it’s being prepared for you), eat dinner, watch television, go to bed. Get up, get ready for work… Ringing any bells?

Sure, we need order and discipline at times in our lives, some call it routine. I call it stuck in a rut. And the longer you stay there, the deeper the rut, the harder it is to climb out of the ravine you are digging. Harder to jump off the wheel. You’ll start to feel trapped, joyless, bored.

Well it’s time to shake it up!!

Not all day, every day, but little by little, one step at a time.

It’s time to have fun, otherwise the stress of your rut will do infinite harm.

Now I’m not saying quite your job, sell your home, kick the kids out, what I’m saying is – Start Small.

Something ridiculously easy to do (but we often do not) is leave the office at lunch. How many of you sit at your desk, eat your lunch and continue to work through? Okay, a few of you may take a few minutes to scroll through social media while you’re scoffing your sandwich, but how many of you actually get up out of your seat and go outside? Take your sandwich, take your phone (if you must) and go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Raining? Find a dry spot and call a friend, catch up with someone you haven’t seen in a while. See how you feel when it’s time to go back to the office. REFRESHED!

Drive to and fro work every day? Take a different route on the way home (not on the way – I don’t want you to stress about being late). You’ve got a GPS, ask for an alternate route. You might discover places you’ve never seen before. (That’s how I found a fabulous little coffee shop tucked away in a corner off the beaten track one day).

When you get home from work, get changed. Get out of your work clothes. Hey you might have some lovely clothes on, but the work day is over. Put on some comfy clothes – or get dolled up – whatever makes you feel good, just get out of 9-5 mode.

Keep the television turned off. Home alone? Put on some of your favourite music, and dance around the house. Family home? Strike up a conversation – just don’t plonk yourself down

automatically in front of the television – that thing draws the life out of you (and it’s probably the news – bad news, anyway).

Set the dinner table with napkins and a candle, make it special, and have dinner with your partner/and or family as often as their sporting/social life will let you. A nice setting breaks up the monotony of eating from a tray on your lap in front of the television (and research will tell you that it is infinitely better for your health). It can even be a reheated frozen meal – but eaten off a plate, sitting at a table, makes it all the more special. And some great conversations and planning can go on around the dinner table.

After dinner rather than scatter to other ends of the house, each person on their phone, tablet, or PC – stay and play. UNO anyone? Monopoly? Something that will make you laugh (and at times scowl) at each other for just a little while. The dishes will wait. They’ll still be there in an hour. When was the last time you played a game?

If there is just the two of you – here’s a suggestion – PLAY together. I was reading recently about a couple who felt their lives had stagnated – they’d forgotten how to have fun. Every night after work they’d come home and same old, same old (how common is that?). They decided enough is enough. They made a commitment to each other to liven things up. So every Thursday they put up a sign in their lounge room – NO ADULTS ALLOWED! KIDS 5 – 7 YEARS ONLY! And for one full hour every Thursday night they played like they were kids. 5-7 years old.

Sounds childish? It is.

Sounds fun? It is.

Hide and Go Seek. Hopscotch. Cops and Robbers. Tip. On cooler nights they painted and drew, they played dress ups.

Sure it was awkward at first (because honestly it can take a while to remember how to behave like a kid – we are so conditioned to grow up and act your age), but after the first couple of sessions they learnt to relax and go with the flow. And have so much fun.

Once in a while, do something bigger – more out of routine. Sundays normally spent having breakfast, doing the lawns, changing the sheets, lazing around all arvo (or worse still doing housework)? How about shaking it up. Take your breakfast to a park, eat outside. Go for a hike. Visit an art gallery or museum. Go somewhere, do something you don’t normally do. It doesn’t have to involve money – there are lots of free activities, check out your local area’s website, there’s bound to be stuff to do. And when you go in to work on Monday, you’ll have something to talk about rather than answer the question “How was your weekend?” with a “Same old, same old”.

We get into a rut, we become complacent, we don’t question things, we don’t think of living a different way.

Don’t wait for a near death experience to shake you out of your rut. Take responsibility to make change, and take action. Do something, anything, to create momentum and get out of your rut. Get off that hamster wheel. Start with one small thing at a time.

There’s a multitude of areas in your life that can be classed as ‘rut’ worthy, but to keep it brief and at least get you started on thinking, I’ve only glossed over some things here with you today. If you feel you are in a deep ravine, and you need some help getting out, contact me. Let me help you discover what it is you want to be, do and have. Let me help you start kicking up your heels and having a fabulous life.

Something to share.

Just returned home from another getaway with my gorgeous husband. He had a business training to attend to in the city, so we made a night of it. He went to training, I stayed at the hotel and worked on my business, then we met up for ‘date night’. We enjoyed a lovely meal, great conversation, some wonderful belly laughs, and a couple of drinks. We had a fabulous time. But then again, we always do.

Arriving home, we unpacked blah de blah de blah, and set about to do some work checking emails. I received one from Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas reminding us to order our photos from our Vow Renewal Ceremony that we had there recently.

I was going through the pics. They’re gorgeous, well that’s a given – I mean they’re of me and my loved one. Beautiful photos of a beautiful memory. We renewed our vows with Elvis to celebrate our 30^th wedding anniversary. 30!!! And boy hasn’t it flown. Well, they say time flies when you’re having fun, and boy do we have fun. Look I’ll admit not all day every day, we have a couples of businesses to run so it can become hectic at times – but overall we have fun.

I was recently asked, on a scale of 1-10, one being the lowest ten the highest, how would I rate my relationship and love life. No brainer – I said “10, but does it have to stop at 10 – double it, 20! Yes, at least 20 out of 10”.

“Wow,” came the response. “How do you do it? How do you keep it at 20?”

Now I know there are a bazillion sites, books, blogs out there to tell you how – from “3 Ways to Keep a Relationship Healthy” to 7 ways, 8, 10, 17, 18, 23, 50 100???  And honestly to list them all would be pointless. For me… us, we don’t need a long list. It’s easy. Play. Communicate. Sleep. That’s it in a nutshell.

We play a lot. I’m not taking dress up and role play, well… No, no, that’s not what I’m talking about here. We have fun together. We do stuff together that makes us happy. Could be as simple as go out for coffee. Go for a walk along the beach. Go for a drive out to the mountains. Have a swim in our pool.  Get married by Elvis. Just something to do together, and we normally end up laughing somewhere along the way. The playful side of our relationship gives us relief from the more serious part of life concerned with work, money, housework, the kids, etc. We try to remember the old saying “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”? And we mustn’t forget Jill either!

We talk AND LISTEN. Don’t just ask how your partner’s day was, and continue to cook, write, watch the TV or whatever, when they answer you. LISTEN to what they have to say. They may need your sympathy because they had a shitty day, or they may have had a truly great day and really want to share it with you, and get some praise. So listen. When you’re walking along the beach, listen to what your partner has to say – stop staring at the surfers (or the beach babes) long enough to really LISTEN. True listening doesn’t just use your ears, it engages your eyes and heart and establishes an emotional personal connection. Good communication is critical for forming and keeping close relationships and for making us feel valued and understood. (It also means you laugh at the right point of the conversation too).

And, one more. Do you sleep alone?

We go to bed together. It is something we have always, always done. I mean go to bed at the end of the day, to sleep together. This may seem petty to some, but it’s pretty bloody important. Okay there have been a few times that I’ve stayed up later – but that’s so I can get my assignments done and in on time (time management is a whole other blog J ), but 360 out of 365 days we go to bed together (361/366 this year). We hug and kiss, and say “goodnight, sleep well” and drift off together. We finish our day together. It’s intimate.

Now I know there are partnerships out there where one party works away weeks at a time, so there is no sleeping together- but when they get home – DO IT. I know there are shift workers too, and this plays havoc with sleep routines. Just try, when the opportunity arises – sleep together. It is a special thing that you only do when you’re in a permanent relationship; share that really special space and time together

I’m not here to lecture anyone. That’s not my job – yet. All I’m saying is when asked how I have such a fabulous relationship my answer is Play, Communicate, and Go to Bed Together.

Certainly not rocket science, or earth moving, but this is what works for me… us.

And hey, I write my blogs for me, in the hope that my ramblings help at least one of you to see another point of view, think a new thought, try something different.

We’ve got 30 years down, and at least another 30 to go! We’re doing something right.

If you need a hand in this area, then contact me. I’m not a therapist, but a transformational life coach. I’m here to help you find out what’s going on in your life, and how you can work at changing it. I’m offering 50% off my coaching packages for the month of March. So drop me a line. Let’s see what we can achieve together.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

How was your weekend?

Did you do something fabulous? Did you do something just for you? Not for the whole weekend, but maybe for an hour or two?

No? Why not? What stopped you?

Whoa, that’s a lot of questions to open with. But hey I’m a coach, that’s what I do.

Okay enough of you. It’s my blog, I want to talk about me. I had a fabulous weekend. I went to a seminar, met some fabulous people, learnt some fabulous stuff, and pretty much had a fabulous time.

Sure, there was the guilt that I left my family at home to fend for themselves, but hey they’re all grown adults so I knew they’d cope. Okay, they didn’t have the guilt free meals that I normally provide, but that wasn’t go to kill them just this once (in fact they were probably pretty happy that they were able to have whatever they wanted without me breathing down their necks).

I don’t often spend entire weekends away from my family to do stuff just for me, but I do take an hour or two. It helps keep me recharged.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love cooking, cleaning and caring for my family  (honestly I do, I’m not trying to convince you), but there are times I need to remove myself and take some me time.

It could be to have a cuppa and read a book

It could be writing my blog

It could be to check out Facebook for a while and catch up on ‘gossip’

It could be to wander the shops – alone

It could be taking the dog for a walk

It could be listening to music with earphones on (and singing out loud – that always gets the family going – or turning up the TV)

It could be pouring a glass of wine and going outside to watch the sun set

It could be watching an episode of Glee (yes I’m a Gleek)

It doesn’t have to take all day or night – it may only be as short as 15 minutes, it may be as long as two hours, but I need some me time.

What do you do?

We all need some ‘me time’ to keep us in check. That may sound a bit weird, but really we need to remind ourselves that we are important, and take some time to confirm and reinforce that. Now, for most of us, I’m sure that our family, loved ones, friends would all be okay with it. It is often ourselves that put up the wall and put ourselves last.

Well it’s time to stop! No more putting ourselves last. Time to get a little selfish and take time out. And a little bit of selfishness here, will really benefit everyone around us. Honest! (Remember if you’re happy, it normally rubs off on those around you).

Go on. You can do it. Take some time out – even if it’s just for a short time, and see how you feel.

Let me know how you feel.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels

Sam

I was going to write about “What is a Life Coach and how do I find the right one?” In fact I actually started, however lately I’ve been putting the finishing touches on my ebook, Start Kicking Up Your Heels or… Achieving Happiness (click here if you’d like a copy).

Happiness. Achieving happiness.

Doesn’t it seem strange that we have to strive to achieve happiness? Why aren’t we always happy?

And it got me thinking back to when I was kid. I was happy. I remember being happy. Sure there were days my parents pissed me off (or maybe it was just that they were disciplining me because I had pissed them off), but overall I was happy. We weren’t rich; both mum and dad worked. We didn’t have lavish holiday; in fact I distinctly remember sharing a tent with my dad one rain-soaked night – too scared to touch the sides or the rain would come in, whilst my mum and younger sister slept in the car. But my sister and I were happy. I walked to school with my friends during the week, and I spent all weekend with them, out and about, on our bikes. Care free and happy (unless I pissed my parents off again by getting home AFTER the street lights had turned on).

Why did this change? Why is it that as we get older we lose our spontaneity for happiness? It has to be a learned behaviour.

How many videos have you seen on social media that show you babies and children laughing uncontrollably? When was the last time you did that (and no alcohol was involved)?

I remember just the other day I was laughing so hard, and for the life of me I cannot remember what it was about, so I asked my daughter “what was I laughing about the other day?” Her reply? “Which time? There was a lot”. What a beautiful answer, but it didn’t help. So I went into the other room to find my son and asked him the same question. His answer? “I don’t know – you always do.” Again, another aww.

I do laugh a lot. I do have a positive mindset. It is my life’s goal to help as many people as I can find more happiness in their lives.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we lost the art of playing. Of being happy just for being happy.

Adulthood is heavily focused on work, responsibility, and family commitments. As adults we need to find some downtime and focus on our happiness. We need to zone out from the TV, because honestly how often do you turn it on and it makes you cringe or cry? News is all bad, TV shows are all about murder and mayhem, and reality TV, oh don’t get me started on reality TV. Anyway we need to get away from the TV or our computers and learn to play again.

We’re not playing to achieve anything more than happiness.

So if you have kids (big or small) take (or physically drag them) to the park and kick a ball, play piggy in the middle, or tip. I’ll bet sooner or later you’ll start laughing, even if it is only at yourself for being unco.

No kids? Find a friend, or take your partner. Hire some bikes and go for a ride. Not into exertion – find a hire place for electric bikes. Again you’ll end up laughing – or is that only me because I had no idea what I was doing? I laughed hysterically the whole time!

Look, just find something, anything to play at and make yourself happy.

The benefits of happiness are profound. It relieves stress, stimulates the mind, improves brain function, boosts creativity, improves relationships, and helps keep you feeling young and energetic.

Think back to when you were a kid, did you have stress (apart from when the dog ate the homework), weren’t you creative (didn’t those mud pies taste great), and didn’t you have a lot of friends (and I mean real, live friends, not 2378 likes on Facebook)? Weren’t you young and energetic?

Don’t lose it!

Oops, too late? Okay, go back and find it again.

Happiness is not reserved for the young.

Happiness is for everyone; it is our birthright, and it should not deteriorate as we age (our body does that for us, don’t let your mindset).

So find something, big or small, to play at that will make you happy. And do it.

As Lucille Ball once said “It’s a helluva start, being able to recognise what makes you happy”.

So look, recognise it, work on it, develop it, and become that happy child once again.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

Have you ever started something and had a half-hearted attempt at finishing? I mean your intentions at the start were “Hell yeah! I can do this!” and after a few weeks, maybe even a few months the momentum has petered out and you gave up?

Look it might be too early in the year to be asking this. Wait. No it isn’t. It’s the right time, never too early. May as well look at the truth right now and do something about it. Not wait until June when you might say – “Oh, I’ll start after Christmas”.

I’m not immune. I’ve completed some pretty amazing things in my life, but if I’m to be really honest (and why am I here if I’m not honest?) there are many things in the past I haven’t finished.

My earliest memory is when I was in primary school and I had an end of year project to do. Me and my best friend decided that for our science project we would make a working volcano. We would build a model of a volcano, and somehow (who knew how?) we would have smoke puffing and lava spilling out over the side. We got together and drew lots of pretty pictures. Then we went out into the garden to make mud pies to get an idea how big our paper mache volcano model would have to be. Then the mulberry tree attracted our attention, so we left our mud pies, climbed the tree, and ate mulberries until our bellies were aching. It was then time to go home, so we promised each other that we’d meet up on the weekend after netball and continue the project. Did we? No. What did we hand in? The pictures we drew.

Another major no go was my Accounting certificate. I’d left high school, had a fulltime job at the bank, and decided Accounting was what I wanted to do. I mean I’d always been good at maths at school and my teachers said I’d be good at it, so it was a given, wasn’t it? So two nights a week, after work, I went off to my local Technical College to study Accounting. It was a four-year course. I did three. Three!!! I was three quarters through my course, and I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore – I found something else to do!

These are just two of my many projects I have started and decided not to finish.

And I’m sure there are many of you out there reading this right now, nodding your head going “Yep I can relate”. (Coz I’m sure those of you that always finish would have gone by now – nope doesn’t resonate so I’m off, or – hang on, you always finish things so you’re here til the end just to see what I say J ).

But recently I’ve stopped beating myself up, and had a look at the magnificent things I HAVE completed.

I graduated University (as a Mature Age Student I might add) and have my Degree. I have written a book, albeit a short book, but I have written it. I’ve graduated from the Inspired Spirit Coaching Academy and am a certified Life Coach with world-wide accredited qualification, that is amazing. And on top of all that I’ve brought up two beautiful children into adulthood, and am still married to the man of my dreams (I suppose you could say I haven’t finished that – coz that won’t end til the day I die – but it is something to be so proud of).

So what changed? Why do I now finish what I start?

It all starts with mind shift.

I will not start anything, ANYTHING, that I have one iota of doubt in my mind that I will not finish. I MUST be passionate about it.

I look at the project at hand and ask do I really want to do this?

Answer: No – then give it to someone who does. Find someone who is willing to do it, even if you have to pay them -money, time, compliments. There is always someone for every job, you just have to look.

Answer: Yes – WHY? What is the outcome. And how good do you want to do it (I’m not saying how bad do you want to do it -no negatives here). What do you expect from doing this project? Recognition. Health. Money. Love. Self-Worth. How important is it to you?

You have to look at the WHY, and that’s what has changed. WHY am I doing this? The ‘why’ is what has become important to me. I truly look at things now, and stop and think “why do I want to do this?”

I have to be absolutely sure that I’m passionate about it, and I’m doing it for me – not because someone else says I should do it. (Hmmm, takes me back to the accounting). I mean I’ve started to learn the piano and gave up after 3 weeks– a total waste of time and effort I could have used elsewhere. I’ve bought countless Pilates video, Yoga videos, Aerobics videos – done them every second day for two weeks, then thought nope, let’ s find something else. I wasn’t really doing it because I wanted to, I just thought that the boyfriend at the time wanted me to look good.

The thing you’re about to start, do you think about doing it all the time -that’s a pretty good indicator you really want to do it.

Now I know you have to try before you buy, so if something interests you, try something small. Want to write a book, try writing some short stories first. Really want that Black Belt, don’t go and buy the uniform and sign up for a lifetime, try a few free lessons first. You’ll find most places will offer a free trial just to make sure you aren’t wasting your time as well as theirs.

Be aware of how much time and effort is required to complete what you want. That Black Belt you want in Karate? Know that if you attend two sessions per week you can expect to earn that belt in 5 years. Become even more dedicated and you could have it in two or three years. Does this sound appealing? If you’re going “Yeah, bring it on, I can do that” then go for it. If your reaction is WHAT?!?! Then perhaps it might be better to aim for that yellow belt first. So be aware of your time constraints and budget your time accordingly. Enthusiasm is often lost when you underestimate the amount of work needed to bring your goal to life. But don’t get stuck in the thinking phase – you have to be in the doing phase. Your goals won’t magically be completed. You need to take action.

STOP being a perfectionist. How many times have you not handed in the report, not sent in the manuscript, not auditioned for that part you want because it is just ‘not right’? Stop looking for perfection. No-one else is. Honestly. Yes, they want the report to be good. Yes, they want the book to be good. Yes, they want the audition to be good, but no-one (except you) expects perfection. (Okay there are some megalomaniac bosses, editors, directors out there, but the majority want GOOD not PERFECT). And besides who is to say what you think is perfect is what they think is perfect?

Look, finishing is hard for a lot of people, but honestly it is not a gift or a talent as some will tell you. Through conscious effort you can be a ‘finisher’. Kick the habit of never finishing what you start. Hang on, this is the only time I’ll tell you to start something new before finishing. Start a new habit of ‘FINISH everything I start’.

So to recap to make it a little easier to finish what you start:

Ask yourself WHY am I doing this?

Does it resonate with you? Is this for you or is it an outside source making you do it? Are you really interested?

Research (a little- not too much to keep you off track) and be aware of time and effort required? Do you have the stamina or dedication?

Stop being a perfectionist (just another word for procrastinator). Do it well of course, but stop looking for any little thing that’s not right.

Get into the doing phase – baby steps if you need to.

Start a new habit – the ‘I must finish everything’ habit.

Now on occasion there are times when you can’t finish, but I’ve gone over my self-imposed word limit, so that will be for another blog. So for now, get serious and finish what you start. You will love yourself for doing it!

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

Who am I to write about success?

Hey I’m successful, maybe not in your eyes, but “Hell Yeah!” in mine.

Success for me is a happy family, a great night’s sleep, a good day at work, a delicious meal, and attracting great clients to my business. Oh, and of course finishing my blog.

Every day I think about achieving my goals and creating success.

But then I get to thinking, what does success mean? For every individual, success is a deeply personal issue.

What about you? Have you ever thought about it? Your success?

I came across an article recently in the Daily Mail asking if I shared the six personality traits of a successful woman.

Number 2. Aggression

Um, never have I thought about aggression as a trait of a successful woman, assertive, yes, empathy, yes, stress tolerance – well we all need that don’t we – bringing vitality to my work, yep, ego strength – well okay, I suppose I have a bit of an ego otherwise I wouldn’t have my unwavering belief in myself. But aggression? I don’t really see the need for this to succeed. I try to pride myself on being assertive not aggressive, but I’m not getting hung up on that article.

So I took a look around and over 989 000 000 results came back to my request “what is success?”!

Miriam Webster Dictionary

• the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect or fame
• the correct or desired result of an attempt

Cambridge Dictionary

• the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for
• something that achieves positive results

Oxford Dictionary

• the accomplishment of an aim or purpose
• the attainment of fame, wealth or social status

Okay. So, wealth, fame and status is success. But not everyone wants that, right?

I mean, as I said before, a good night’s sleep is success in my eyes, but it doesn’t bring me wealth or fame. So is it really not a success?

I think not!

What about all the new mums out there? Now, if memory serves me correctly, success for them is when their new baby sleeps throughout the night without waking (even though they’ve checked on them ten times during the night). Their baby enjoyed what was offered for dinner and ate it all (even if it was only mashed carrots). Their baby made a new friend at their first day at school. They had a ten minute cuppa break without being interrupted!

Success for the mother of a teenager might be having a conversation that contains more than two grunts and a yawn. It could be that said teenager arrives home on time as asked (okay demanded!). Success could also mean one less request for an interview by the school principal.

Are these ideas of success any less valid than the business owner who’s about to sign a contract for multi-million dollar deal?

I think NOT.

As I said, success is extremely personal and means different things to different people. So what you need to do first, before you can even start to become successful, is to determine what success is to you. Then you’ve got a starting point.

Maybe you’re a business woman and want to be acknowledged and valued for your work as much as the men. Maybe you want a better work/life balance. Maybe you’re that new mum and you want a bubble bath (on your own). Or you’re that mum of a teenager who has gone out and you want to be able to have that glass of wine with dinner, not worrying about whether you have to go and collect them if they call. Maybe, like me, it’s a good night’s sleep.

If a great night’s sleep means success to you, set a plan in motion for your goal. Be specific – what is a great night’s sleep? 10 hours? 8? 6? How will you know when you have achieved it? The alarm goes off in the morning, and you pump the air – yahoo, I made it? Is it achievable? What do you need to do? Turn off the TV before the movie finishes, leave the party before the stroke of midnight. Is there anyone who will impact the achievement of your goal/success? Are you solely responsible for the outcome? And when do you want it to happen. Set the timeframe. Tonight? Tomorrow night?

Okay, so maybe you have loftier goals (in your eyes) than eight hours sleep, but you get my drift.

Success depends on plans. Success depends on action.

So define your success. Set your plan. And MOVE!

Remember, success does not have to be fame, wealth and status. It’s what you want it to be. It’s what makes you happy.

When I think of success, I think of what Maya Angelou said…

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

Okay this blog needs a caveat. This blog is longer than normal. I try to limit myself to about 800 words, but well, the words just kept flowing out of me – they needed to be written. So if you’re up for a little longer read, go get yourself a cuppa then come back and read my latest blog. (In all honesty it’s only about 1600 words, I haven’t written war and Peace –yet).

How often do you write out your goals? How often do you review your goals? You do celebrate your achievements? How do you feel if you haven’t achieved them? Do you just beat yourself up, or take a good long look at why you didn’t achieve them?

Nosey aren’t I? But hey, that’s my job.

I have to be brutally honest with you, in my past I have been rather lacklustre in writing out my goals, or really even thinking of them. I was a ‘float along” kinda girl.  You know, the type of person who hires a lilo at the waterpark, hops on it and just lays there letting it take her wherever. Sometimes going with the current, oftentimes hitting the walls along the way.

I distinctly remember lying in bed one night with my new hubby – hang on that doesn’t sound right – he was only new because we hadn’t long been married, not because I’d upgraded to a new model. Anyway, we were lying in bed and I said (and I distinctly remember this to this day), I said “I wonder where we’ll be in five years”.

I wonder where we’ll be??

If I didn’t know when I asked that question, I would never know. And you know what? Five years later we were still in the same place as we had been when I’d laid there and asked it. How on earth was I supposed to be anywhere different if I hadn’t set a plan in motion to be somewhere?

It took a few good years, and a long hard look at myself when I realised I was living out Einstein’s quote (okay I paraphrased it). If you keep doing the same thing over and over how do you expect different results? Insane!

So that’s when I decided enough is enough. Stop coasting along, start planning, and head in the direction you want to go. Not where everyone/everything/life is taking you.

And that’s when things started to change.

I set my eye on a promotion, set the plan in motion, worked at it, and Voila! I was the youngest appointed bank manager to have been appointed by my employer at the time.

When I’d had enough of that, I put another large goal in front of me. And voila! I was working part-time and spending more time with my children, and we weren’t suffering financially. We planned.

I set a huge goal for myself of changing the world, even if was only one person at a time. Voila! I am a certified Inspired Spirit Coach and am helping transform people’s lives, one at a time. I’m on my to world change!

I could go on and on, but that would bore you. And I’m not here to brag, merely tell you that setting goals will get you where you want to be.

Well not just setting them – you do have to take action as well.

But a goal is the first place to start.

Now there is some school of thought that advises to write your goals out every day. This works for some, it keeps them focused and motivated. But for others it’s not so good. Writing your goals should be fun and exciting, not a chore – and you know how we all hate chores and avoid them like the plague. So maybe for you, try once a week for writing them. But review them as often as you can.

Start with a long range goal – a big one, which is a stretch for you. You want to look at it and think “how am I going to pull this one off”? You do not want to look at it and say “I’m never gonna bloody do that”. It’s off putting and demotivating.

What’s that saying by Norman Vincent Peale?  “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”. The stars aren’t a bad place to be.

So set yourself a great goal that seems ALMOST unattainable, but not impossible. I’m sorry, you’re a way off walking on the moon, but hey you could be in Richard Branson’s rocket and fly in the orbit – in the stars!

So anyway, set yourself a goal, look at the time frame – have you set it for three months, six or twelve months? Then break it down into more manageable pieces.

Okay so you’ve decided Christmas next year, stuff the relatives I’m going to see snow for Christmas (or for those of you that have to normally endure snow – you’re going to the warmer climate and eating seafood on the beach Christmas day).

Now for some of you that could be easy peasy, whip out the check book and off we go. But for a lot of us we have to have meticulous planning involved. So this is where goal setting comes into its own.

As I said, set your big whopper of a goal. Now look at it, and break it into smaller goals. One big goal – twelve months. The next goal is set for nine months. The next one six months. The next one three months. The next one two months. The next one, one month. The next one is for next week. Get my drift?
Set yourself smaller, bite sized goals that will get you right on the doorstop of your big ol’ whopper.

Keep reviewing those goals, and when you achieve each one, tick it off your list and reward yourself. It might just be a happy dance, it could be a night off from cooking, or it could be a piece of chocolate and a glass of wine. Something, to let you know you’ve done well, and should be proud of yourself. Because if you just go “Oh that was good” and let it pass, you haven’t given it the honour it, and you, deserve!! And it really helps you start working on the next goal.

Something that really helps, is to share your goals with someone. Someone you trust. You don’t want to pour out your greatest desire to someone who’ll go “that’s nice dear’ or “what do you want to that for?” You want someone who will support you, and help drag you on your way if you really need it. It could be a loved one, it could be a friend (ok, they’re still loved ones, or they should be) or it could be a coach. You need someone to help keep you accountable. Because, be honest with yourself – over the years, if you’ve set yourself a big task and only had yourself to rely on, how many have you completed. Possibly many, but all of them? Honestly? (If you have, you’ve probably stopped reading by now).

I have a coach, and probably always will – coaches are worth their weight in gold. (Yes, coaches do have coaches – we know the value of them). Coaches hold you accountable, and will always question – firmly, but nicely and supportively of course.

I would like to share with you something that I do in my household. We sit and all eat together at least three times a week – hey, stop the judgement. My ‘children’ are grown adults (yeah, yeah, they still live at home, but I love it and that’s a whole other story) and we are not all in the same place at the same time every night of the week – there’s sport, Uni, and of course socialising. But anyway, we have set one night each week to sit and discuss our goals.

There’s me in my official mode – book and pen in hand, and the rest of the family ready with their success (or rehearsing their explanations). We’ve all set a big six month goal, and weekly goals as well. So we talk about the goal, was it achieved, and why not if it wasn’t. There’s no beat up session, but a concerted effort to make sure it’s achieved by the following week. We all congratulate each other on our achievements and raise our glasses (of water) and then set a new goal for the following week. Then we all sit around the dinner table discussing stuff (not just our goals) for a good couple of hours. It is great. We look forward to it, and it brings us closer together. (On the other nights that we all eat together, even though it’s not the set time to discuss and review our goals, they often come up and we all help each other with ideas. It’s a great ‘bonding’ experience)

So set some goals and grab someone to be on your side and keep you accountable (even if you dine alone).

Go grab those brochures.

Then go open that savings account.

Then go visit that travel agent.

Tick off all those goals, and get yourself to the snow next year (or the surf)!

Goal setting is how you get what you want, when you want it.

A very wise man, Lao Tzu (a Chinese Philosopher), once said “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.

That first step is setting your goals in place.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

Never too old to learn.

You’ve heard the term can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well that’s bullshit.

I’m nearing 50, and my mum – who’s age shall remain numberless if I am to stay in her good books- has taught me a few things this past week. And I’m not talking domestic things like sewing or knitting or cooking or anything – actually that’s me teaching her! When she watches me cook she always says “that’s something you got from me”, I get whiplash turning so quick to look at her with incredulous eyes, then we both double over in fits of laughter. My mother did not teach me how to cook. But I digress.

She taught me a few things about Facebook!! And Twitter!! I don’t even have a Twitter account – but watch this space. She’s given me instructions, and it’s coming soon.

My Mum teaching me about Social Media. Who knew?

So I got to thinking – really you’re never too old to learn. As we get older, some use it as an excuse to get out of doing things, or trying new things, but we need to STOP! We’re never too old to learn. There is so much information out there – but just please don’t go and get your PhD from Doctor Google! We have eBooks, audios, CDs, DVDs, e-courses, e-zines, teleclasses, webinars, group coaching, and more. The library – so many books, so much to read. Other people – just watching them can be fun, entertaining and educational. Our children, our friends – ask them to teach you just one thing – might lead to lots of fun. University, college, night school, community classes. You can learn so much from so many resources, I’m sure I’ve missed something.

What does learning do for us? Apart from the formal qualifications, it can give us so much. Confidence, stimulates the brain, keeps you mentally active, become more open minded, open to change, and open to new experiences.  And we become more interesting!

I know it can be easy at times to feel we are old dogs and can’t learn (even us youngsters), that we’re past our prime, or maybe just too busy at work or home. But whatever your lot in life, don’t limit your development and growth. We are at our best, in fact, when we are constantly engaged in personal development. (If you need a hand with that – I can help you)

Learning new ideas and skills is exciting—just make sure you keep it in balance with the rest of your life. Keep up your ongoing education and turn any of your mistakes into learning opportunities. Life is one long classroom (it just doesn’t have the cane or detention) and you’re never too old to keep learning. So get out there.

Life is short.

Be brave.

Learn something.

No more excuses.

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

A conversation with hubby recently went along the lines of us agreeing that we were being selfish because we want better for ourselves than we have now. It really made me think.

Are you selfish? I know I am.

Not in the Merriam- Webster Dictionary way of “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself:  seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others” kind of way, but in the more modern version of what selfish has become – I am interested in my own happiness.

Somehow the definition of selfish – someone who exploits others and cares for nothing but their own ends – gets lumped with any kind of behaviour that pushes one’s own pleasure before the pleasure of others. That causes problems!

How many times have you heard  “I’m selfish because I want to be happy”, “I’m selfish because I spend time with my friends”, “I’m selfish because I’m spending time on my own”, “I’m selfish because I’m doing something I like for a change”, “I’m selfish because I said no ??

Too often!!

I mean I was talking to someone, who lives on their own, just the other day, and she commented that she was selfish. When I asked why, she answered “because I eat dinner when I want, don’t go out if I don’t want to, and do go out if I do feel like it”. I asked why that makes her selfish. I explained that it means you live your life for your self. It means you care for your self. (And no matter how much grammar correct wants me to put the word yourself – that’s not what I mean. I mean your self).

In today’s society, I truly think that we bandy the word selfish around too easily, and incorrectly. Because we choose to look after ourselves, or say no to a request, for some that is deemed selfish. So selfishness is condemned. Is it any wonder we feel guilt for any kind of happiness or enjoyment we pursue for ourselves, rather than others?

Really, do I have to put everyone’s needs before mine? Oh hang on, I’m a woman, and a mum, so yes!

Na-ah!! No! There I said it (and I’m watching my inbox).

How the bloody hell can I look after others, if I haven’t looked after my self. It’s amazing how thinking about looking after ourselves first brings up guilt, or shame, or fear of being judged. But honestly, I’ll say it again, how can we help others if we don’t look after ourselves first? (It’s ok, I won’t put in the analogy of the oxygen mask on the plane – oh wait, I just did!)

Why do we think “I’ll do this first, I’ll help them first, I’ll see them first, and then I’ll sort myself out”? Why do we leave ourselves last?

I think it comes from a combination of what society see women as – caring, nurturing and putting the needs of others before their own – and our own preconceived idea of what a ‘good, selfless’ person is; think of others before yourself. (How many of you have had parent/s that said something along those lines to you whilst you were growing up? “It’s selfish to do what you want, let your sister go first”. How come she gets the first go, and it doesn’t make her selfish!? I don’t understand. I mean I get it if you’ve already had ten goes on the slippery dip and won’t let her on, but hey… Sorry I digress – childhood memories)

But you get my drift?

We think of ourselves as selfish because we want to look after ourselves, and be happy – that’s not the way to go about it according to some. We’re supposed to sacrifice our self love and happiness just to make sure everyone else is happy.

Well bollocks to that!

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your Happiness a priority. It’s necessary”.
Mandy Hale

It’s actually selfish NOT to self care. Self care is about nurturing and loving ourselves, caring for ourselves, not just for our benefit but for the benefit of everyone around us. If I don’t nurture my self and I’m feeling crap, I can guarantee, pretty soon, those around me will feel crap too, either by osmosis or just because of the way I treat them (hey if I’m feeling crappy – you can too). But if I’m feeling on top of the world, then before long you’ll be on top of it with me. Again, either by osmosis or I’ll beat you into submission with my happiness.

Honestly if we don’t look after ourselves, who will?

You need dreams of your own. You need time on your own (or with your girlfriends/matesJ if that’s what makes you happy). You need to pursue your happiness.

Not to be selfish. But to be more selfless.

If you spend time on feeling great, then you can spend time helping others feel great. Which then makes you feel great. Which means you can spend more time helping others feel great. Which makes you feel great…

So go on try it for a while. Put yourself first. And see how many people actually benefit from that!

Start Kicking Up Your Heels,

Sam

(Image Credits: Aftermom)